I remember the early days of my son’s addiction. I felt paralyzed. I sat with this new information alone. Would I be able to tell anyone? What would they think of him? What would they think of me?
I looked around with new eyes. I saw families–they all seemed so normal compared to how I now saw our family. I wondered if others could see what I now saw in our home. While I tried to figure things out, I felt so alone.
After some time, I began to reach out to people that I considered to be safe. I trusted these friends and family members to keep our secret. I did not want to hurt anyone.
Finally, I attended my first twelve-step meeting. In that room, I met people of all walks of life. These people were full of joy. How could that be? It was there that I first realized that I am not alone.
There were many parents there, like me, that attended because of their kids who were affected by the disease of addiction. There were husbands there because of their wives and wives there because of their husbands. Brothers and sisters came because of each other. Grandparents because of their grandkids. Friends and family members are always there sometimes they come for more than one person. Every relationship that I could imagine, I have seen represented in these rooms. It confirms the fact that I am not alone.
These meetings where I can share my burdens with others who understand are lifelines. In these room we are encouraged to come out of isolation. They ask me to acknowledge that alone, ‘I can’t’ (step one), but ‘God can’ (step two) and if ‘I’ll let Him’ (step three) then I have gained a powerful companion to guide me along this difficult journey. If I do this, I have enlisted someone who can do all things and I’ve placed them in charge of my situation. I am relieved and I am not alone.
My twelve-step group reminds me that “I am as sick as my secrets.” I think the enemy likes to keep us in the dark and lonely. That way it is easy for him to continue the lie–that you are the only one. If you are suffering in silence, please reach out. You are not alone. There are so many of us like you. If you take the risk, like me, you will be amazed at the number of people who have been touched by this disease.
There are a few places that feel safer in the beginning. I’d like to list them here:
- Your priest–that is where I started
- A twelve-step group–these can be found online
- A trusted friend or family member
- A counselor
- Me–[email protected]
I was reminded last night that we tend to keep doing the same things over and over again and are surprised when the results don’t change. Open up. Reach out. This is something very brave and with God’s help, you can do it!